With an emotional woman dealing with the loss of her father ~ and the hopes and dreams that go with it.
She just sat across the room from me and cried.
She was not crying over the loss of the father . . .
She was feeling betrayed by the popular theory that tells us that there are
5 distinct “stages” to grief.
This myth and misconceptionis causing more grief then ever intended.
This idea of a smooth, fluid, step by stage process really had this woman (maybe you) in an emotional and mental mess.
The most unfortunate part of the whole thing, is that
she did not need to be stuck at all because . . .
Joy, Happiness, Hope, Healing, Transition, and Life with the loss are possible when you discover YOUR Pathway Through Grief and forget about stages or tasks.
Discovering YOUR Pathway Through Grief
Is The Key.
The popular notion of5 Stages of Grief has many left grieving.
In this short video Brett will explain why the 5 stages are wrong and how you can finally cross the Emotional Abyss and live again.(or just keep reading)
CLICK IMAGE to see the Pathway Through Grief model that actually helps you grieve and find joy.
If you are looking for more free resopurces and help - keep reading.
The popularized theory of a fluid step-by-step process to grief and loss has many under the false idea that when you are done with one stage, you move on to the next, until you are one day – done.
I wish that this was true.
Grief and the grieving process is not so neat and orderly.
None of us will ever grieve in a nice straight line through smooth stages.
Truth be told, we are probably experiencing every "stage" at the same time.
We certainly do not do it like this pop culture portrayal would have you think.
And, you will never grieve exactly the same as someone else.
It can make you want to yell "GOOD GRIEF-REALLY?!!!"
Brett, has helped me through some long repressed emotions that were holding me back. My businesses were growing rapidly, but I had gone two years without grieving the death of my dad after a drowning accident while we were together with my 8 year old daughter. I had spent so much effort into making sure she was mentally ok that I did not help myself & just threw myself at work. That bottling up of emotions came to an impasse many months later & it was a rough wall to get over. With Brett's help, knowledge of the process I was going through, and also understanding the hardships entrepreneurs go through was the only way I was able to get through that stage of my life.
Nick Burton
growerscoach.com
YES!Grief really can be good, and
Happiness and Joy are possible after loss.
So what are you to do?
How do you find relief?
First,ignore the "supposed to do", and grieve in your way. There will be so many opnions and expectations. Learn where you are on the Pathway Through Grief, and do it in your time.
Once you have the foundation from these resources, get the 5 module coaching program Pathway Through Griefand accelerate your Happiness and Joy.
Grief is like a bungee jump.
Unlike the smooth straight-line Stages or Tasks notions of grieving, grief is full of Ups and Downs, Forwards and Back, and revisiting “dealt with” emotions until you are finally able to regain your footing on solid ground.
Even when you land, the internal spinning can feel dizzying for days it seems.
One client described the grief experience after the
death of a child like bungee jumping.
He said there was this surreal free-fall where everything was in slow motion and yet whooshing by.
If he opened his eyes all he could see was the open abyss below rushing toward him - or him to it.
Then came the sudden jerk, and as the awareness hit ~
he was yanked back into reality only to bounce up and down in
total and complete helplessness,
dangling just a few feet above the floor of the abyss he had just been launch toward.
If that is you, I totally understand and I promise you,
there is peace when it all settles down.
Read on as I share with you some tools and ideas that will
help you gain control of that free-fall.
Sometimes in the middle of the chaos, just sitting there and letting it all settle is the best thing we can do.
Finding your solid ground and slowing the turbulence is on your terms and your time-line –
- as long as you are moving forward.
There is no rule, law, or theory that specifies that after 3 weeks, two months, or ??? amount of time you will be or "should be over it".
Sometimes the best "stage" of grief ~
is the one where you sit and have a good cry, or
the one where you scream and yell because that is what you feel inside.
My favorite “stage” is to drop the top on my car, turn up the music and drive while the wind seems to peel away the pain and loneliness.
Finding your own perfect "stage" is one of the key ways to move through the Pathway of Grief (get the Pathway for 50% off).
The Grief Personality Inventory and Tools For 2:00 A.M. I have created will help you identify what your current "stage" is and begin to process the chaos in the Emotional Abyss swirling inside.
There is no prescribed way,
only a common path that we are all on in one way or another.
The end of the path really does lead to a new life.
A life-with-loss as a loss-manager.
Members of the Pathways Through Grief coaching program
and groups, all understand -
Happiness and Joy do come as you cross the emotional abyss.
Ths is why Tools For 2:00 A.M. is available for you. Learning how to process and move the emotions and stress when the bungee yanks us back up is one of the fastest ways to discover happiness.
The guide is FREE and so is the Personal Grief Inventory. They are part of the Pathway Through Grief program and will help you get started on YOUR Pathway. CLICK the image to access it.
Why “stages” fail and tasks over-whelm.
The stages model of grief is the creation of Elizabeth Kubler-Ross from her work and study of terminally ill patients. Kubler-Ross discovered that there were 5 distinct stages, as she called them. These stages were the way that people came to terms with their own mortality.
Her book – On Death and Dying – was a wide spread success and the stages model leapt from the study of death and was applied to any loss. That is where the confusion and the feelings of betrayal that many of my clients have felt comes from. Many clients have asked . . .
If the stages model was for the dying - what about a model for the living?
When we experience the death of a loved one, the loss of a job, or any other loss, we are not coming to terms with and accepting our own end - We go on living.
The stages idea is not intended for the living and as such leaves us wanting.
One reason loss hurts so bad is that we do go on, even when there seems to be no light through the mist and darkness. Finding acceptance of the loss can be very hard. This is why it is so important that
when we are dealing with the pain of loss,
we don’t rush,
we definitely don’t push,
and no matter what
we never tell someone they are “doing it wrong”.
What works for one person may not be what works for you.
From the Stages model, we gain some very good language that can really help steady that free-fall. (In the Pathways Through Grieving program, I help you understand and manage each of these.)
~ Bargaining,
~Denial, and
~Acceptance
are all part of the grief process and finding new life after loss.
When these are allowed to happen and channeled in the right way, they can be the brakes that slow down the emotional decent and help the logic brain catch-up to the illogical experience around us.
These natural tools actually slow the bounce of the bungee cord.
"Brett - this is all great, but what can I do RIGHT NOW?"
Understand that - just because you have moved through a specific behavior or emotion, and now find yourself there again, you
did not do it wrong,
are not broken or crazy, and
it only shows that you are moving and feeling and progressing toward the day when you are able to live with your loss.
Create routines and do not be in a hurry to “fix” things.
Be sure to get the Tools For 2:00a.m. and complete the Grief Personality inventory to find out how you are doing, AND
Sometimes the hardest part of loss is that those close to us (family, friends, employers, even clergy) are unable to see what is going on for us,
often because they are still bouncing on their own bungee line of grief and loss as well.
Our pain triggers theirs, they say and do things that they believe are well intentioned, but in reality hurt us.
It is perfectly fine to smile, thank them, humor them, and then get back identifying your personal loss and what really is in your Emotional Abyss.
Then you will find acceptance and a new life.
Looking over another person who is grieving can trigger and excite our own emotional abyss. That is why it is so good you are getting involved here with people who understand this and can help you in your own way.
The fact that you are here, reading this and getting the support and resources that will assist you tells me that you are doing it right.
Griefis one of the most universal of all life experiences yet is likely the most misunderstood and problematic of all.
Not many are ever taught how to grieve and painfully many more are not allowed to grieve in a healthy manner.
Learning . . .
how to grieve,
how you grieve,
what it means to cross the emotional abyss and,
how to become a loss manager
is a vital life skill.
Not only does this empower you to find joy, but it helps you help others around you as they navigate their own pathway.
Understanding what loss is, and what grieving is (and is not) is an important component to moving from denial to a well-managed Life With Loss.
This is way I am giving you the Tools At 2:00A.M. and the Level Of Grieving Inventory and have created the Pathway Through Grief coaching program.
Below, you have a no-cost opportunity to start finding relief and joy after loss. I have created Tools For 2:00 A.M. - a special guide with tools for those moments when grief overtakes you and a Grief Personality Inventory that will help you understand where you are on the Pathway Through Grief and what you can do next.
